


Hangman's Noose

by virgosunariesrising



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Dirty Talk, Heavy Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 06:23:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10938807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virgosunariesrising/pseuds/virgosunariesrising
Summary: Neil's self-loathing and Todd's need to please culminate.





	Hangman's Noose

**Author's Note:**

> sup. any complaints can be filed to ethan @ASweatyToothedMadman, being as he basically forced my hand here. all comments are super appreciated!!!! and before you ask NO none of this is from personal experience, i am a good jewish girl, i am pure in the eyes of the lord and would never partake in something so base and vile as sexual intercourse (I'm joking I'm gross, enjoy the fic!)

The evening was deceptively calm. The halls echoed no shouts or snickers, the guard dogs required no bribes. Neil Perry and Todd Anderson sat at their desks, in a disheveled dorm room, in the dying light of the sunset. Neil’s hands shook as he skimmed the latest letter from his father. He was a failure. Disgusting. He couldn’t achieve as much as he wanted in school, he couldn’t pursue his real passion. He didn’t care about girls the way the other guys did. For a couple years now, he’d just been noticing his friends or classmates, the supple athleticism of their bodies, the hard wire of their frames. His face grew flush as he remembered his roommate, across the way, working on trigonometry. 

Neil tried his hardest to be a leader, to be charismatic, and he was. The golden boy of Welton, Neil Perry. But Todd was a different beast. He was quiet and intense and enigmatic. He was a poet, a true artist, and Neil felt inexplicably drawn to him since the day they met. He was shy, but words flowed through him like blood, and Neil would have given anything to be like that. To be gifted. Todd’s eyes were blue and Neil found himself seeing that exact shade of Todd Blue all around him every day. Their hands had brushed together once, on the roof. They were sitting, just shooting the shit, talking about classes and homework. Todd had pulled his hand away like a shot and tried to hide the fact that he was blushing furiously. Neil had trained himself to not display emotion that way and had acted like he hadn’t noticed at all. Todd wasn’t like the rest of them. Maybe, they were the same. Maybe Todd laid in his bed at night, after making sure Neil had gone to sleep, and touched himself thinking about the rowing team he had seen practicing earlier. Todd was his best friend. Surely, they had to share this. He prayed that they shared this.

Todd cleared his throat softly and Neil jumped, having not noticed his proximity. He smiled and sat down on Neil’s bed.  
“Another letter from your dad, huh?” Todd’s voice was always low and uncertain, but had a certain music to it that Neil couldn’t help but envy.  
“Oh, yeah. Same old, same old. I’m not doing enough, I’m not being enough.”  
“My parents hate me too, if it makes you feel better.”  
Neil laughed at that, and Todd revelled in the sound.  
“You know, I’m always here to listen. If you want to talk about what’s bothering you. I hate seeing you upset.” His voice trembled and Neil looked up, confused. Todd’s hand had been creeping toward his, but he yanked it back immediately once Neil took notice.  
“I feel dirty.” The confession rolled off his tongue before he could stop it and he sat, gripped with absolute inalienable terror.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I just. I….don’t feel well.”  
“Oh. Like a cold or something?”  
“Sure. A cold.” A bitter smirk twisted its way onto Neil’s face. 

Todd again moved unconsciously to comfort him but stopped himself once Neil seemed to notice. He wanted nothing more than to touch him. Any reason, any excuse would be more than enough if it meant he could touch Neil’s soft skin or trace the veins in his beautiful hands.  
“I’m just not good enough.”  
The conviction with which he said this is what broke Todd’s heart, and he couldn’t help but admire how gorgeous Neil looked in the soft lamplight of the desk.  
“Hey. That’s not true.” He put his hand on his friend’s shoulder, fighting the temptation to wrap his arms around him. The air in the room was heavy in the twilight and Todd’s hand weighed on Neil’s shoulder like a white-hot brand. He swallowed thickly, and carefully reached up, grasping Todd’s wrist with his hand. They both froze, not wanting to disturb the other and the aura of somewhat peace that had descended over the room.  
“I think about you a lot, in ways I’m not supposed to.”  
“What do you mean? You can think about me any way you want.”

In a flash, he was out of his chair, and kissing Todd like his life depended on it. His lips were just as soft and sweet as Neil had always imagined them and it made him want to cry, finally doing this, finally feeling him like this. Todd was taken aback but kissed him back as soundly as he could, hands trembling only a little. He was so warm, Todd could feel the heat radiating off of his skin, and it permeated into where his cold hands rested solidly on the side of Neil’s neck. His tongue slid into his mouth like it belonged there, and he pulled him closer by the hem of his shirt. Todd straddled his lap and kissed him, relishing the feeling of his hands on his waist like he had fantasized so many times before. Fantasy Neil didn’t hold a candle to real, living Neil who bit his lip and rocked his hips up against his. Todd broke away to breathe, inhaling and exhaling raggedly. 

“You feel dirty, huh?” Neil immediately stiffened and felt a rush of hot shame to match the rush of blood that went straight to his groin upon hearing Todd say that word. He had meant to bring it up in order to comfort him and show him that he reciprocated his feelings, that there was nothing to be ashamed of, but the feeling of Neil’s erection, pressed hard against his thigh, made him gasp.  
“Do you think I am? Am I dirty to you?” The breathiness of Neil’s voice caught him off-guard but the manic want in his eyes told him everything he needed to know.  
He sat up, and flipped them over so that he was looking down at him, panting and slightly panicked. “Yes. You disgust me.” 

Todd felt the brunet, pliable in his hands and completely at his whim, gently shaking underneath him. He vibrated with excitement and painful arousal, mouth open, wet and waiting. Their eyes met and refused to leave each other. Todd cradled Neil’s face in his hands, terrified of shattering the moment and returning them to the real world and the damp brick prison walls of Welton. Agonizingly slowly, he trailed his thumb closer to the center of Neil’s face, skimming along his bottom lip. He hesitated a moment, listening to the screaming heartbeat inside his chest, and put his thumb into his mouth. Neil reacted almost instantly, swirling his tongue around it. He wanted Todd to feel how hot and wet his mouth was, and he sucked on the digit like it was some kind of hard candy, and he swore he could feel his cock stiffen through his jeans.  
“You like that, you...whore? Can I say whore, do you like that?”  
Neil nodded enthusiastically, still swirling his tongue, and he went to rut himself up against Todd, before he roughly pushed him back down onto the bed. A wanton, choked moan escaped his throat, and he opened his mouth, letting the pad of Todd’s thumb scrape against the tip of his tongue. His hand skittered to the crotch of his jeans, wanting to feel him, hot and throbbing in his hand. Todd grabbed his wrist harshly, tightly enough to maybe leave a bruise, and yanked it back up towards the headboard. 

“You don’t move unless I tell you to,” said Todd with a gruffness and conviction that didn’t necessarily go farther than the skin.  
“You’re disgusting. Look how hard you are for me, like some two-dime prostitute. You should feel lucky I’m pitying you.” Todd was almost shocked at the words that poured out of his mouth so effortlessly, as if they’d been hiding under his tongue this whole time, just waiting to leap forth. Neil’s hair was plastered to his forehead and his labored breathing simply added to the air of desperation and arousal that hung in the room like a thick tapestry. 

Todd climbed off the bed and Neil didn’t move, not wanting to upset him.  
“Get up.” The command sent an electric shock through his body and he didn’t think it would have been possible to be more erect but his body proved him wrong, and he groaned, not able to contain himself. He rose off the bed onto shaky legs and stood in front of him. Todd was lit from the back by the light of the hallway. His blond hair looked like a halo, and he had a glow surrounding him. Neil wanted more than anything to reach out and touch him, embrace him, but he refrained, just as Todd said. 

“Take off your clothes.” His angel said and his fingers fumbled, not moving as fast as he needed them to. He knew he had ripped a few buttons off his shirt but his eyes never left Todd’s and his erection throbbed and almost brought him to his knees. Todd’s stare was so intense he thought he was going to cum just looking at him, but he managed to unbutton his jeans and his cock sprang free, curving upward and aching for release. Todd stepped forward, closer to him, and he leaned into his touch. He put his hands on his lower stomach and ran them lightly upward. Neil’s muscles twitched with the effort of staying still, not wanting to upset his lover. He rolled his nipples in between his fingers and Neil could have cried, the sting so sweet and sharp it must have been unholy. Nothing meant for this world could feel so delicious. Todd mouthed his way up his neck, whispering hotly in the ear: “You’re so hot for me, I can smell it on you. You’re pathetic, you sicken me.” 

Neil keened and balled his hands into fists, digging his fingernails into his palms. Todd marveled at the amount of power Neil was letting him have and the satisfaction was intoxicating, dripping down his bones like honey.  
“Take off your pants and get down on your knees.” Neil obeyed, head spinning from the bloodrush to his member. He wanted to touch Todd’s calves, wrap his hands around them for comfort and support. Part of him wished he had never said anything, that they had just gone to bed and pretended to not be touching themselves thinking of each other.  
“Look at me.” Todd’s eyes blazed with want, and with clammy hands, he unbuttoned his jeans and pulled out his cock, faintly freckled and achingly hard. “Suck me off.”

Neil shivered hearing something so filthy and vulgar coming out of his mouth; sensitive, unassuming Todd. For a moment, he thought his ribcage was going to break through his skin; it grew wider and his heart grew three times its previous size every time he heard Todd tell him how dirty he was. He obediently presented his mouth for fucking, but Todd remained where he was, making it obvious that he should come to him. He gripped the base of his cock tentatively, like a middle schooler holding the microphone during a talent show routine they haven’t rehearsed. He took a big breath and just as he was about to begin licking up the shaft, Todd grabbed his chin and tilted his face upward.

“I want you to look at me, and you won’t stop until I tell you. Do you understand? You’re my whore and you do as I say.” The brunet nodded, desperate lust and immaculate devotion welling up inside him. Eyes locked with his roommate’s, he ran his tongue up his cock, swirling around the tip and anxiously waiting for any sign of approval. He swallowed him down all the way to the hilt, and Todd betrayed himself, burying his fingers in Neil’s hair and letting out a strung-out moan. Neil choked but tried to keep the rhythm going, stroking him with his hand in alternating motions. 

“Fuck, baby, yes, fuck, just like that,” Todd’s head was thrown back, lost in the ecstasy of having his cock in Neil Perry’s mouth. His tongue traced a fat vein on the side of his cock and he gave his hair a hard yank. Neil only moaned and started going faster, in and out in a mind-numbing, repetitive motion. “I’m gonna fuck your face, put your hands down.”  
Neil’s heart jolted and he did as he was told, Todd’s hands coming down to firmly hold the sides of his head in place. He opened wide, and everything felt fuzzy and covered in a haze, like heat rising off a blacktop. Todd’s member pounded into his mouth, not trying to hold back his moans or grunts any longer, fucking into Neil’s sweet, warm mouth like it was the only thing that mattered. The animalistic sounds emitting from Todd’s mouth only made his partner whimper more and more. He felt a frightening pressure building in the lower stomach, and the snapping of his hips became more erratic as he neared the intense numbness of his climax. 

“I’m cumming, I’m gonna-- I’m cumming,” Todd broke his authoritative persona for a split second, sounding every bit the strung-out, completely elated little poet he was. With a hard and unyielding “Fuck!”, he came into Neil’s mouth, who raised his eyebrows in surprise, but tried to swallow down as much as he could. Todd slowly came down, feeling blissed out and unsteady on his feet, the world tinged in a soft pink glow. He slipped his cock out of Neil’s mouth gently. There was a small bit of cum still in his mouth and Todd couldn’t resist. He plunged his tongue into it and he clung to him, trying to surreptitiously rub up against him to relieve the now almost unbearable pain of his erection. He balled up a fistful of his hair and pulled his face away, keeping hold so that Neil would keep eye contact. He reached down and wrapped his hand around Neil’s cock, hearing him nearly sob in relief. He began to stroke him very, very slowly in excruciating, deliberate jerks. 

“You make me want to vomit. I have never met someone who is so completely repulsive. I know you lay on the other side of the room, thinking about me, thinking about other men. What’s wrong with you?” Todd gave a cruel twist and Neil cried out, already close to his peak. “You’re a coward and you’re weak. How can you expect anyone to love you when you run away from your problems like some fucking child?” There were tears in Neil’s eyes and Todd was gripped with the sudden fear that he had gone too far, that he had crossed the line.  
“Todd, please, fuck, god, please,” Neil begged, tears spilling over, and he took mercy on him, speeding up the rhythm and spitting into his hand. Neil came into his hand with a strangled cry, and began to sob openly into Todd’s shoulder. Todd, persona thrown away, embraced him, tutting and assuring him that he hadn’t meant anything he said, it was all heat of the moment. He kissed all over his face, whispering “I love you,” and took his hand and placed it over his chest, so he could feel his heartbeat. 

Neil paused a moment, so overcome by everything that had happened in the past few hours. Todd’s heartbeat was strong and vital, chugging away under his pale skin, nestled in his bony chest like some resilient woodland animal. He tried to make his way to the bathroom to clean himself up, but his legs were like jelly and Todd helped him onto the bed instead.  
“Let’s just sleep, huh? Let’s rest.” Neil reached out for him, and he couldn’t refuse him anything. Neil curled up on his chest and they lay in the quiet, buzzing and exhausted at the same time. “You did great, by the way. You did wonderfully.”

Neil gave a tiny laugh and snuggled closer to him. “I love you.”  
“I love you too. You’re so much more than you think you are, you know. You’re so capable.”  
“Let’s save the pep talk for the morning.”  
The two of them laid intertwined with each other, waiting for the morning light to glue all their broken pieces back together again.


End file.
